Leaving Me
by 1Lillian1
Summary: My second Bonkai fanfiction. This probably only be one shot. Hope you like it.


Kai's standing next to Damon, nervously looking at Bonnie trying to mumble anything out of his mouth. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

_Come on Kai! Just spit it out already. Let's get this over with so this guilt doesn't eat me every single day. I didn't come back from prison world just to be this pathetic emotional wreck. Just apologize already! _

Kai opens his mouth again but still nothing comes out. He stares and stares and stares. Still nervously trying not to scare her away. „What are you waiting for?! Spit it out already!" Damon rushes him breaking his thoughts. Kai looks at him as if to say _Shut the hell up Damon! I'm trying to concentrate! _

Kai looks back at Bonnie who looks more scared than pissed. _She looks so scared. Do something. Open the mouth finally and SAY SOMETHING! Just look at her! Even when she's scared she's still so beautiful. Just spit it out you coward!_

„Bonnie!" Kai manages to open his mouth and says carefully. „I...I... wanted to apologize. For anything I did that hurt you!" He stutters nervously. Kai is looking straight into Bonnie's eyes, waiting for her reaction blindly hoping she will forgive him. Her eyes widen, looking straight back at him. „Bon! Did you hear what I said?" Kai asks worrying, because he doesn't know her like this.

_She always had something to say. She can't be quiet. Not for this long. _

Bonnie breaks her stare, takes a deep breath and says: „If I ever see you again, I will melt your face off!" She angrily storms off passing both Damon and Kai.

Kai manage to catch her hand and pulls her back a little towards them. „What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bonnie sounds and looks even angrier than before. She looks at him squint her eyes as if she was about to kill him with them. She pulls her hand out of his „Don't you ever touch me again!" He lets her leave this time but he watches her going farther and farther away from him.

* * *

When she's far enough so she's barely seen, Kai exits the club leaving Damon there alone. He follows her. _I wanna see where she's going! She must forgive me! She can't be angry with me forever! If she forgave self-centric psycho killer like Damon, she will forgive me eventually too!_

Kai's thoughts are broken. Bonnie enters into a building. _That looks like she lives here. Hmm fancy!_ Bonnie gets inside what looks like a new building that was just built recently. Kai runs towards the door so he can catch it before it closes. He follows her up the stairs into her apartment. He steps in front of her door figuring out what he's gonna tell her. Suddenly door opens and she pulls him in. She chokes him pushing him against the wall of her apartment. Kai looks down at her trying to keep it cool.

"Bonnie could you just put me down so we can talk?" Kai tries to talk but he's barely heard. However Bonnie puts him down. Kai coughs to regain his normal voice again.

"Okay! I'm listening!" Bonnie says looking suspiciously at Kai who's about to tell her the biggest apologetic speech he's ever come up with.

_Okay Kai! Here's your chance! Don't you dare screw this up! You prepared! Just spit it out and make it believable!_

"I'm sorry Bonnie! I know I hurt you and I don't expect you to believe me. I really hurt you but I've changed. I wanna make it up to you and please! I need you to give me one more chance. Please! I will do anything. Just give me another chance. Give me a chance to make up for the hell I put you through."

Bonnie freezes and yells: "And what were you doing while I was gone? How were you trying to make amends while you left me there? Why didn't you make amends then? I don't need your apology now! I needed it back then. I needed you to come back for me then but you didn't!" Bonnie was just about to use her magic on him when Kai interrupts her

"But I did!" Bonnie looks surprisingly. "I did come back for you!" Her eyes widen. "I sent Jeremy back to give you hints about Nova Scotia! I was there when you were trying to kill yourself. I tried to help you but I wasn't strong enough to touch anything, so I put all my strength into Jeremy saving your life. I'm really sorry I couldn't bring you back. I really am!" Bonnie stares at him shockingly. She checks him out for a while.

Kai stares into her eyes for a moment, then looks down, turns, opens the door, looks over the shoulder at Bonnie one last time and walk away.

Bonnie rushes through the door, stops in the hallway and shouts at Kai so he can hear her. "You could have just send me a sign!

You could have just…

You could have just let me know, that I'm not alone somehow!

You could have just…

You could have just warn me somehow!

You could have just…

You should have never left me! It's all your fault!"

_Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe if I hadn't tried to stop him we'd be out of there a long time ago. Maybe he wouldn't left me. _

Bonnie's thoughts are broken by Kai's sincere tone of his voice.

"Yes I could have! I wish I could have just go back in time and change it all but I can't!"

"I know!" Bonnie looks into Kai's eyes then looks down, turns around, looks over the shoulder at him one last time and goes back inside her apartment.

Bonnie's actions left Kai's speechless standing in a hall looking into blank space putting his sad puppy eyes on. He's looking at her door for a moment and leaves.

* * *

"Where were you Bonnie? We were worried about you!" Elena shouts the minute Bonnie walks through the door of Salvatore house

"I was with..uhm.. Kai!" She says feeling embarrassed as if she did something wrong.

"Who?!" Elena screams at her leaving Bonnie shocked.

"With Kai!"

"What the hell did you do with Kai?! I thought you hated him"

"Well you hated Damon once and look! Here we are!" _Yes I said it! Come on Elena! Where's your judging look?!_

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Elena and Damon's voices echoes together as they scream at Bonnie at once

_Oh yeah there it is! There's that look I've been waiting for. What else can I expect from you Elena?!_

"Nothing! I never judged you Elena so just keep that to yourself okay?"

"Yeah you kinda did! From the very beginning" Elena protests

_What the hell Elena?! I can't stand this anymore! I have to leave! I can't be here anymore! This is not how my best friend should act. _

Bonnie looks at Damon and Elena with the same look Elena just gave her, turns around and leave not looking back.

_I have to leave this place and not look back. I can't look back. None of them are worth me looking back. _

Bonnie remembers the only one she looked back at was Kai. She doesn't know why. She doesn't know the reason but she did. She did look back because she had the feeling she had to like she needed to.

As she heads back to her apartment all sorts of thoughts were rushing through her head. One thought was highlighted in her head. The thought of leaving Mystic Falls for good this time. Thinking about leaving everything behind actually makes her feel better. Thinking about how everything after she came back from prison world was different than as she left it gives her headache.

Thinking about how has Damon changed after they'd spent every single day together in prison world makes her sick. How he's changed with Elena. How she makes him different – selfish. Nothing about him was selfish in prison world, not with her. He always thought of her before he thought of himself.

_Elena changes him and I can't stand it anymore. He's the worst version of himself when he's with her. I have to leave this wreck of a place as soon as possible._

* * *

As Bonnie's walking up into her apartment she stumbles across Kai in her hallway. He sits on the ground supporting his back against the wall right next to her door. His eyes are closed and it looks like he's been there a long time. Bonnie left few hours ago and he wasn't there anymore but he managed to come back and beg for forgiveness all over again. She watches him sleep thinking how peaceful he looks. She feels something on hear chest. In her heart. A rush of feelings. She feels like she's actually happy he came back. Right now, thinking doesn't feel so bad.

Thinking about how Kai is the only one who tries.

The only one who tries to reach out to her.

The only one who actually cares.

The only one who makes an effort to be close to her.

The only one who comes but never goes. The only one not selfish.

_I'd never think I'd actually think the best about Kai. He's a sociopath! He's a psychopath! He's a killer! Who's to say he won't betray me just like everyone else here. Yet I feel like I can trust him. I feel like I can be close to him and actually feel good. I believe that after everything I've been through he's the only one who acts like he cares. I don't know if it's an act or if it's an actual genuine feeling. _

Bonnie lets her keys fall on the ground to wake up Kai. He opens his eyes as she tries to reach for them. Kai looks at her, he reaches for the keys as well making their hands accidentally touch. Bonnie looks deeply in his eyes and pull her hand away from his.

"Why are you sleeping in my hallway?" she asks trying not to be overly nice even though she wants to.

Kai looks at her realizing there's no point to deny anything "I'm waiting for you!" He smiles a little at her as he's standing up.

"Do you wanna come in?" Bonnie asks as she's opening her door pointing her hand inside to let him know he's welcome to come in.

"No!" Kai says touching her hand to stop her to come inside. "I only wanted to give you this. I know how much it means to you."

Kai pulls from beneath his coat Ms. Cuddles, hands her to Bonnie and leaves.

Bonnie quickly looks at Ms. Cuddles and watches as Kai's disappearing in the distance of her hallway, realizing her feelings she doubted all this time are actually undeniably true.


End file.
